Smiling metaphors

I do not enjoy computer jokes. Not one bit.

I changed my iPod name to Titanic. It’s synching now.

When chemists die, they barium.

Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.

A soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

I know a guy who’s addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time.

How does Moses make his tea ? Hebrews it.

I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Than it dawned on me.

This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I’d
never met herbivore.

A guy got arrested for playing the guitar. For fingering A minor.

I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. I can’t put it down.

I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.

They told me I had type A blood, but it was a Type-O.

A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

PMS jokes aren’t funny, period.

Why were the Indians here first ? They had reservations.

Class trip to the Coca-Cola factory. I hope there’s no pop quiz.

Energizer battery arrested. Charged with battery.

I didn’t like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.

How do you make holy water ? Boil the hell out of it !

Did you hear about the cross eyed teacher who lost her job because she
couldn’t control her pupils ?

When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.

What does a clock do when it’s hungry ? It goes back four seconds.

I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me !
Broken pencils are pointless.

I tried to catch some fog. I mist.

What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary ? A thesaurus.

England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.

I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.

I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.

All the toilets in New York’s police stations have been stolen.
Police have nothing to go on.

I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.

Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes.

Velcro – what a rip off !

Cartoonist found dead in home. Details are sketchy.

Venison for dinner ? Oh deer !

Earthquake in Washington obviously government’s fault.

I used to think I was indecisive, but now I’m not so sure.

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4 thoughts on “Smiling metaphors

  1. PixelPole

    “I am sorry, madam, but I shall have to charge you hundred dollars for pulling your boy’s tooth.” “Hundred dollars! Why, I understood you to say that you charged only twenty dollars for such work!” “Yes,” replied the dentist, “but this youngster yelled so terribly that he scared out four other patients out of the office.”

    Reply

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